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Quote of the Day - Move over, $7,000 coffeepots! Stand aside, $400 hammers! We now have the $792 doormat! - William Proxmire
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Cranky Doormats Offer A Double Dose Of Humor

Who'd-a thunk it?  I can tell you that I didn't.  I never thought I'd see warnings on a doormat.  But this is no ordinary doormat, let me tell you.  In great big block letters, it screams out:  "COME BACK WITH A WARRANT."

That probably should have been my first clue.  The fun doesn't end with the top side of the mat.  The back of it contains a product warning, obviously written by someone with a great sense of humor.  The warning is entertaining, to say the least.  Here it is:

"Important things you should know about your new doormat.  Warning:  Do not use mat as a projectile.  Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury.  When using mat, follow directions:  Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about.  This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs.  If may begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head.  Caution:  If coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot.  This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat.  Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin.  Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery.  When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder).  Do not taunt mat.  Failure to comply relieves the makers of this doormat, Simply Precious Home Décor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc. of any and all liability." 

Where did I put this mat?  Right inside the door to my office.  With warnings like that on both the front and the back, as a lawyer it speaks my language. 

Printer friendly page Permalink Email to a friend Posted by J. Craig Williams on Friday, December 15, 2006 at 21:07 Comments Closed (0) |
 
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